Queers and the complicated reality

Queers and the complicated reality
Look carefully at this picture. Focus on  the rainbow. Can you really tell where each color starts and ends? No, because rainbow is a spectrum of colors. And that’s exactly where the problem with the pride flag lies. Its colors aren’t gradient. I believe that this fact reflects certain solid ideas within the lgbtq community. Although the colors of the flag stand for ideals and not labels, and reasons of convenience might play a major role in the final creation-symbol (namely the flag), I think that when someone produces ‘art’, the subconscious always gets involved. In this case, it represents a denial in complexity and fluidity of identities …
Warning: A comic follows whose last two panels are NSFW.
Queers and the complicated reality
There are certain things that keep swirling in my head for a long time. And by things I mean opinions and mottos that are oftenly said within and from the community.
I guess I’ll start with Captain Obvious, hence bisexuality. *Cough cough* there’s a reason there’s a B in the LGBTQ acronym, don’t you think? It might be a truth that many people use this label to save face and/or come in terms with their gayness/lesbianism, especially in their teens. And it’s also true that bisexuality often is invisible in terms of appearances; you are (usually) in a relationship with either a man or a woman, and thus people jump to conclusions. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. Kinsey anyone? Most things on this earth aren’t black and white…
Queers and the complicated reality
Labels are helpful tools of defining ourselves and finding a stability. Self-awareness and the sense of identity is a deep need of human beings – and society after the 20th century seems to have prioritized it, too. But once a label doesn’t express us anymore, why should we trap ourselves in it? And labels are pretty fluid themselves. For example, would you call gay someone who once or twice slept with other men? Is it even the statistics of the sex of our partners that matter? We won’t be liars, if we change labels. As we aren’t liars when in each relationship we get, we say ‘I love you’. That’s what we feel at that moment.
Queers and the complicated reality

The other things that kinda trouble me are the motto ‘we are born this way; we don’t choose who we love‘ and the ‘comforting’ words some gays/lesbians offer to straight people that they ‘don’t fall for straights‘. These are linked to each other at a certain degree; let me explain. Can we really say we don’t choose when we put an effort in hanging around certain people in order to avoid very bad results? Many gays and lesbians try to limit and control their circle of friends and potential lovers not to fall in love with someone who might be a homophobe or the chances of reciprocating their feelings is minimal.

Then there’s also the fact that such a general statement is not taking in account bisexuals- in the end how many lgb are on scale 6 of the kinsey report out of the 10% they consist of the general population? The comment Synthia Nixon made for her private life -that she chose her life- put in akward position many bisexuals and upset many gays and lesbians. But isn’t it to an extent the truth? She chose to be happy with a female partner instead of hiding behind a heterosexual marriage that would bring her stress and sorrow, like other lgb individuals do in many countries across the globe.

Lastly, do we really know that sexual orientation is only determined during our stay in our mother’s body? Is it even good to support such a theory that is based on the ‘lack of’ some substance? Isn’t it another mild form of presenting homosexuality/bisexuality as a medical case? Isn’t it burdening for the parents to believe such a theory that implies that they do share responsibility for their child’s situation? As Rachel from Social Justice League says:

[…]The first problem with relying so heavily on this idea is that we don’t actually know for sure if we are born this way. […] It is not at all out of the question that our understanding of how human sexuality develops will be radically altered in the future. (Some people clearly do experience their sexuality as fluid, in any case). Relying on the idea that we are “born” queer as the major pillar of our defense is too risky: if one day we get strong evidence that queer sexuality is heavily influenced by easily-alterable environmental factors we are fucking screwed.

The second issue with this argument is that it’s a version of the naturalistic fallacy. The fact of some or all people being genetically coded to do something doesn’t make that thing right or wrong! […]Argue for or against something based on its merits, not based on its origins.[…]

But I think the most serious problem with this argument is that it reinforces the idea that we need an excuse to be queer.[…]

What do you think? Do you agree/disagree?

3 thoughts on “Queers and the complicated reality

  1. @The Paper: I agree that we are unique, but we do share common traits and that's how labels work. Some time ago I was discussing obscure labels on twitter like demisexual and boi which has many different meanings, and if it's really meaningful to have so many labels. A fellow blogger joked that he's 65.79percentsexual. (General)labels aren't useless. But from a point onwards we should understand complexity and let go…

    @Sirius: I didn't have any idea how popular the Social Justice post was, but it makes sense since I found it from a social media site (don't remember if it was fb or tumblr). I'll say that I don't agree on other posts of this site and I'm not promoting it in any case. I just believe that this one post says some things that are worth thinking and spreading.

    I hate 'musts', too, so I understand what you want to say. Though there are certain situations where I think that it's important to /choose/ compromise and a specific way of presenting ourselves (without sacrificing ourselves in the process of course). But that's another talk for another time and can extend beyond the lgbtq community.

    I'm really really happy that you felt comfortable reading the article and that I was able to deliver my ideas without sounding too preachy 😀

    Thanks for commenting!


  2. I'm really tired of all this Social Justice thing going around lately but you are making some interesting points. I'm mostly sick of these people who go ahead and tell you how you MUST think and how you MUST act. But in this article you are just raising some questions and urging people to think about things instead of trying to direct their thoughts and acts so major kudos for this.
    Also, I always loved the Kinsey scale.


  3. There's a lot that can be said but I will touch upon the rainbow metaphor. Everyone of us is an unique individual. The world needs seven billion labels and counting.


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